Dangling

She came home from therapy in a decent mood, not suffering from the PTSD--Post Therapy Stress Disorder--which he dreaded. And he seemed to be in a good mood too, cutting veggies for a stew. "I didn't call you stupid. I said 'stew pot'!" he explained to the cookware. But then he turned to her. "I'm feeling crazy today. I'm really having a hard time."

"Maybe you're afraid of failure or something."

"Yeah, but why? How can I fail compared to where I am?" he asked gesturing vaguely at his life.

"Everything's gonna be fine! Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

"No, I just have to go through it. You know, this old thing again."

"Maybe you should go to the gym."

"No..."

"Maybe we should go for a bike ride."

"No, I'm fine, baby. Don't worry about it. I just need to go through it."

She took a deep breath and pulled some dead leaves off the kitchen plant.
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Later, he laid down to a nap and she went upstairs to get laundry. He was on top of the covers, naked, and she gave him a cartoon double-take.

"Great, I've shocked and horrified you. That's great."

"No, I just was surprised," she said laying down beside him. He ran his fingers slowly over her body, sliding off her shorts, positioning his face between her legs. "Maybe you shouldn't do that," she said sitting up.

"What? Why?"

"I put some medicine on myself earlier cuz of that irritation," she said referring to what she had thought was a yeast infection but the Dr. ruled it out.

"No, that's not it! There's something else. What's going on?" he said pulling away from her.

"I just need to clean it off. That's all."

"No, there's something else going on."

"What? Why? Like what?? Why do you think I'm lying? Why would I??" Then she went into the bathroom. When she returned, he was out on the deck clothed & smoking. She stood there naked with her crotch freshly washed and began to cry. "What did I do wrong? I just needed to wash up. I'm clean now. Why are you mad at me?"

"Baby, I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. Ok? I'm so sorry. C'mon, let's go back to bed."

"I don't feel like it now," she said lighting a cigarette and staring at the pot of wilting basil.

"Please come join me when you're done with your cigarette," he said going inside.

So she did. And she held him wanting to feel reassured that he wasn't upset at her, that everything was ok. But then he started moving his hand over her again. She laid there trying to feel good but her mind wandered thinking about it already being 2:00 and all the things she'd wanted to do this weekend. Weekends are always much too short. Suddenly he sat up and looked at her. "Ok," he said jerking away from her. He rolled over and she laid still until she heard him snoring.
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She took advantage of the peace, reading in the bath and then the phone rang, waking him. He came into the bathroom and pulled off his shorts. He walked toward her, balls swinging and she reached for them. She stood hot and pink and they held each other. Then he turned away and yanked his shorts back on. A minute later in the living room they were back off again and he walked around her, dangling out of reach, circling like a planet. "You're confusing me," she said.

"No, I'm not," he said. "You're just confused."